Divine Self!

When you are feeling hopeless or depressed it is often very difficult to think clearly or find anything to make yourself feel better. Life can feel pointless. Getting out of bed in the morning may as well be running a marathon. You just don’t have anything to give.

Sometimes the only thing you can do to get yourself through an especially tough day is to talk to yourself.

The type of self-talk I’m referring to is not about repeating affirmations or using positive thinking. Instead, the type of self-talk that works during depression is actually a self-leadership skill that brings new balance to your thoughts and actions. Let me explain.

Both affirmations and traditional positive thinking involve seeing yourself as self-assured and confident. The goal is to make yourself feel good by focusing on what can be done and then doing it. Positive thinking is a mental attitude that expects success and favorable results.

If you are depressed you clearly do not yet live in a “can do” and “will do” place just yet. Therefore, positive thinking at this point isn’t going to be motivating because it’s a form of dishonesty to self. Repeating, “I can get through this!” when you really don’t know if you can, or reciting affirmations of “I love life!” when in reality you are thinking about quitting life are both examples of ineffective ways to talk to yourself during depression.

The following metaphor might not be the perfect example, but perhaps it can illustrate the point more clearly. Imagine being in a closed-door room with a foul smelling and fatal odor permeating the air. Now close your eyes and tell yourself, “The air is filled with invigorating sweetness.” You might succeed in filling your mind with the idea that the fatal stench somehow miraculously changed into a healthy delicate rose scent. And yet you would carry that type of positive thinking or affirmation into your grave.

When Going Through Hell – Don’t Stop

There’s an old saying about when you are going through hell, don’t stop. What you need right now is a way to talk to yourself that is not about healing, building yourself up, or trying to make yourself feel happy, but about getting through hell. It’s the kind of talk that is necessary to get yourself through an especially tough day, hour, or moment.  

The kind of talk that is going to help you through depression provides acceptance of reality, validation of the current state of your feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and… one extra important step. And it’s that last step that is critical to providing balance, hope, and perspective. That added step is to admit what is true about your ability to deal with your situation.

In other words, first identify what is true on the negative side, but then also recognize what is true on the positive side.

While you are feeling depressed and hopeless, it is true that your pain begins to exceed your current knowledge or ability to move beyond it. You don’t know yet how you are going to get through this. The skill, awareness, insight, or wisdom necessary to escape the misery is not yet available to you. You’ve reached the end of your rope in terms of knowing what to do next. But there are two important truths you must make apparent to yourself…

The first truth is that even though you are at a dead-end you’re still here which means you are still coping. Sure, you’re not rapidly flying out of depression on the autobahn of higher healing, but give yourself credit. You are doing the best you can and you are surviving. The second truth is that just because a skill or insight is not yet available to you, doesn’t mean that you won’t ever attain what you need and want.

When you adopt a self-supporting way of talking to yourself, you let yourself know that even though you are suffering, and even though you don’t know how to move beyond all of this, here you are still courageous and coping. 

An Illustration…

Using the previous metaphor as an illustration, we can easily put together a new way of self-leadership talk that can and will be beneficial. When you are in a room with a fatal and foul smelling odor, rather than telling yourself “the air is sweet and healthy” you can identify what is on the negative side and then identify positive steps to deal with the situation. This might sound something like this:

“I am in room filled with a fatal and foul smelling odor. I don’t want to be here, I don’t deserve to be here, and this is painful. I feel completely hopeless and trapped. There don’t seem to be any options out of this room. Yet, here I am and I’m still alive. What can I do right now to survive this?”

This type of supportive self-talk doesn’t attempt to create healing by riding the room of the fatal odor, it isn’t about trying to be happy while you are in the situation. Instead, it’s about how to get yourself through an extremely challenging situation. 

Depression does sort of feel like being in a body that is filled with fatal energy. Self-talk that works is the type of self-talk in which you acknowledge the reality of the situation, including your emotions and beliefs, and then you acknowledge the positive truth that you are still alive… and although your choices might be extremely limited, there are still choices you can make to survive.

Here’s a quick summary of Self-Supporting Self-Talk For Depression: 

1. Acknowledge the truth of how things are for you right now.
2.  Validate your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
3. Observe the truth about how well you really are handling a difficult situation.
4.  Keep it believable.  

Examples of supportive self-talk include: 

• I feel unable to step out of this depression, and yet somehow I am getting through each day. 
• Because I’m depressed, I want to run and hide, and sometimes I do that. I’m realizing that hiding is an option, but it doesn’t always help. 
• I’m so discouraged that I don’t have a clue what to do. Ok, I’m dispirited. Take a deep breath… Take another breath… Take another breath.
• I acknowledge that I don’t want to be here, feeling this, living this nightmare, but I accept this is what is going on right now. What is one thing I can do right now to get through this hour?
• There’s doesn’t seem to be any point to getting up in the morning. But I choose to get up this morning anyway.
• I believe that I’m too weak and helpless to overcome this depression, but even though I have those feelings, I’m still here and giving it my best shot.
• I believe I’m a victim and that my efforts won’t amount to anything. Yet despite my sense of helplessness, I am still doing the best I can to get out of this situation.

I wish I could tell you that learning self-supportive self-talk is the “simple, easy” answer to overcoming your depression. It isn’t. But changing the way you talk to yourself can bring your spirit into the darkness of your depression. And with spirit, all things become possible. 

Author Resource: Want to learn more about how to live consciously, love deeply, and laugh often? Come along with Annette Colby and learn the secrets to creating the life you’ve always wanted to live! Subscribe to her blog Divine Self! today.