Do you aspire to change something about your life or yourself? If so, your journey of self-improvement requires leadership. Change needs to be led, and like it or not, you are the leader!
Yet, rarely have we learned effective successful self-leadership. While some great leaders are naturally born that way, most of us have to learn the fine art of accepting personal responsibility to identify a meaningful direction for life, and then leading with compassion and commitment toward that destination.
Developing effective self-leadership is probably the most important work you have during your lifetime. Typically, we are unaccustomed to leading ourselves through the process of goal achieving with love. Instead, we use force and power to battle and conquer what is not wanted. We set forth on missions to defeat the enemy, and crush the aspects of ourselves we despise. We push ourselves into action, thinking that if we conquer and overpower, then victory will be ours. We wage war within ourselves and use power to force our way to success.
Being successful requires a different approach.
Instead of trying to get rid of something, an effective self-leader puts action into expanding the feeling of what he or she desires. Even when the journey is most difficult, there is still love of self for having a dream. Care is taken to continuously nurture the positive expectation that you will have what you want. You may not be sure exactly how or when your desire will manifest, but you decide to stay committed good nonetheless. In addition, being an effective self-leader means reaching into your depths and knowing that while emotional ups and downs are part of every journey, suffering and self-cruelty are unacceptable.
Consider for a moment your individual self-leadership style. Is your approach:
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Verbally punishing and aggressive, or quietly effective and assertive
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Energetically pushy or open to creative solutions
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Immobilized by inaction and lack of definition, or committed to daily action
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Weakened by fear and self-doubt, or strengthened with excitement and love
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Chaotic and unstructured, or steadfast and consistent in overall direction
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Punishing because your best is never good enough, or filled with celebration for your efforts and accomplishments
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Critical and self-abusive, or filled with praise and encouragement
During every journey of great personal change, you will encounter many situations where you do not know what to do or you are uncertain of yourself. It is precisely during those times that compassionate self-leadership must prevail. Use every opportunity, challenge, and obstacle to pause and consciously shift into a self-leadership stance. You’re worth it!
Adapted from Your Highest Potential: The New Psychology of Understanding and Working with Self by Dr. Annette Colby
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
“Even when the journey is most difficult, there is still love of self for having a dream. Care is taken to continuously nurture the positive expectation that you will have what you want.”
This really resonated with me. Thanks for writing it.
With regard to a career change, I’ve always known which direction I want to go it, but often get paralyzed. I feel as if I can’t even think about heading in that direction until I’ve “made it”, so to speak, myself. I remember the first day I actually told someone about my thoughts of what I wanted to do. After I felt badly that I had to preface it with “Now, don’t laugh, but…” It shouldn’t be that way I know. As long as I keep rowing, the boat keeps moving; if I stop, then I’m in trouble.
Dear Donna,
Great news!! I actually began a project this week that I’ve been wanting to do for a long, long time, but also had been delaying. I began writing a book on depression. I’ve been hesitant to get started for several reasons:
The time factor involved in writing another book
I can’t write “about” the topic depression I have to write from “within” the topic – which means playing with difficult energy
How will I market yet another book, when I’m still in debt from the first two
What will the established medical community think of me and my anti antidepressant views
All of this is to say that you are not alone in feeling paralyzed to get started. Change is difficult. Change brings up many of our old beliefs and limitations. And let me say it again – change is difficult.
I commend you for keeping your dream of a career change on the front burner. It may not seem like you are moving forward, but you really are. Your dream is alive, you’re weighing the pros and cons, and you’re considering the best way to step forward despite your fears and reservations. Give yourself a big pat on the back for staying in the game even when you don’t yet know the best way to move forward.
Also, you have learned something valuable about sharing your dream with others. What I have found is that when we are unsure about moving forward, and then we share our dream with others, they will most likely echo back our own insecurities.
However, things are different when we have internally already made up our minds to move forward, and we’re willing to take the risks and experience the possible failures along the way. Once we’ve made up our minds and then we share our dreams, people tap into our optimism and eco back support.
My suggestion? Stop prefacing your dream with, “Now, don’t laugh, but…” What matters most is that you take your dream to heart. Nurture it well, protect it when you must, and stop making excuses for it.
If I can share a quote from the great Ghandi, “Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.”
Your dream will change the world.
Annette