Surviving Loneliness

Being alone in life is one of those experiences – if we can survive – that can bring us into the core of our very being, knowing and loving ourselves better than we ever have before.

After experiencing divorce several years ago, I found myself living alone for the first time in over 20 years. Quite to my surprise, it was astonishing how difficult this transitional period was. My mind told me that this was a new beginning, a renewal, and a time to recreate my life. However, my heart was not yet rejoicing at the prospect of starting a new life.

Everyday opened a Pandora’s box of moods including guilt, relief, fear, sharp emptiness, loneliness, boredom, and depression. After all the hard work of ending a marriage, I was unprepared for the equally hard work of gaining a renewed and redefined sense of who I was, what I enjoyed, and what I was capable of doing.

A Warm Body Is Not the Answer

After what seemed a “reasonable” amount of time, I logically decided it was time to begin dating again. It seemed a good idea. (Yeah, I’m amused now at my retrospective insight.) I reasoned that with another person in the picture, the fear, sadness, and loneliness would disappear. However, as we all know, grabbing onto the first warm body that comes along is nothing more than a temporary band-aid solution at best. After a few comically odd dates, and several ill-fated relationships, I came to my own conclusion that happiness is not found in another person.

Epiphany! It was time to take charge of my relationships – and my first priority was to regain trust and peace within myself. No emotional involvements with another person before reaching a clear center within myself. I made a decision to be alone until I had fully adapted to my new situation with renewed self-confidence. I would find a way to come into acceptance and harmony of who I was as an “alone” person.

Coping With Loneliness

My time alone wasn’t all smooth sailing. I felt everything most divorced people feel – a new lack of self-confidence, an uncertain view of my life’s choices, and an emotional and physical exhaustion beyond description. Who was I, where was I going with my life, did I even care to move forward?

I cried often and expressed my feelings in a journal. Mostly, I couldn’t find any meaningful, creative activity in which I felt alive. Not knowing what else to do with myself, I took many long lonely walks. In the mornings, I would rise before the dawn and sit with the rising sun. In the evenings, I would take myself for extended walks through the various parks and trees. At night, I would sit alone in my favorite secluded spot by a creek where no one would see me.

Those times were agonizingly lonely. Yet, as I reflect, this was an important time to allow the hopelessness and loneliness to fall away before I could begin living again with joy passion and purpose.

The Beauty of Life

Despite the sharp loneliness, there was such exquisite beauty in the air, in the stillness, in the water, and in the Earth herself. Being alone, quiet, and outside for so long allowed a secret peek into the often hidden side of life.

One evening as the sun left the sky, I found myself sitting silently on the bank of a creek. Quite suddenly, two bright green parakeets caught my eye. I felt elated, like a two-year old seeing something new and amazing for the very first time. These two parakeets were obviously either released or escaped after being pets. Yet here they were, miles away from the comfort and safety of their caged homes, living out in the wild. They were alive, colorful, noisy, and happy. Somehow, they had not only survived the outdoor city life, but they had also thrived and found happiness. If tropical parrots could somehow survive life, then surely I could find my way also.

On yet another long summer evening, a full-sized Texas storm began to gather. It was one of those rare intense tornado-potential storms, oppressive and looming, pregnant and imminent, foreboding with heavy impending doom. Irresistible and inviting, I ran out to sit sheltered beneath a clump of old trees lining a creek.

My mind could hear the warnings of parents and sensible people, but my soul promised to keep me safe. Clutching my sweater tightly to keep myself warm and loved, breathing in deep gasps of moisture-laden wind, I sat beneath ominous green clouds. Wind howled and the lightening crashed overhead.

In the midst of this wicked storm, my agony unleashed itself. Grief and suffering erupted from my body and I thought my agony would never end. And then, at my very lowest point, a giant owl swooped from the sky, landing heavily on a tree branch two feet above my head. Our eyes met, for one brief glance. In that moment, in the middle of a dangerous storm, with an owl perched above my head, I knew I was safe. I knew I was going to be okay. My life began once again.

If you or someone you know is depressed, Depression Freedom is a powerful book that reveals new insights about the nature of depression… and how to move through it.  Depression Freedom is a must read for anyone who has ever been depressed, everyone who struggles with deep depression or is even now feeling like there is no way out, their friends and family members, as well as counselors and therapists seeking practical, real life healing tools and an empowering message of hope and transcendence.

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Tagged as: alone, dealing with loneliness, Depression / Spiritual Depression, divorce loneliness, loneliness, overcoming loneliness, spirituality