“The way to develop confidence is to do the thing you fear.” ~William Jennings Bryan
I understand how easy it can be to get frustrated when we move forward on our dreams and goals. Because no matter how exciting everything seems at the beginning of new adventure… things take as long as they take, exacerbating obstacles arise, and aggravating challenges happen. Sometimes it seems as if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.
With all this going on, it’s not uncommon to become impatient before achieving success, and wanting to give up just a moment too soon. Who hasn’t felt self-doubt and stress when things just don’t seem to be coming together?
Self-confidence can often be at a low-low place when we are in the midst of making important changes. The question becomes how you learn to trust yourself to continue moving forward even when things aren’t going as effortlessly as anticipated? Below are four powerful ways to regain confidence when it looks like you’ve almost lost it altogether.
Breathe and Release Stress Levels
Stress = self-doubt. It’s a myth that stress or worry is the best way to move through difficult situations. Stress happens when we believe that we do not have the time, experiences, or resources to deal with a challenge or situation. Feeling pressured and anxious about a perceived unsolvable or impossible situation, our bodies release adrenaline and gear up for a fight or flight response to handle the immediate danger. Stress equal self-doubt because it takes you into an internal perception that your only two alternatives are to fight the problem or run away from it.
Taking a few minutes of alone time to breathe and calm down helps bring new perspective that while the situation at hand may be undesirable, it is not a life or death situation. With relaxation comes a new ability to be at ease with yourself. And with ease comes the ability to tap into inner resources, grasp valuable insights, and find new innovative, creative solutions.
Be With Your Own Feelings
Taking time alone creates space to relax, clear out the world, and be with no one else’s feelings but your own. By stepping away from all the outside noise and busyness, you allow new opportunity to clear confusion and sort out your emotions and feelings. Once your head is clear, you can simply take a deep breath, and ask, “What is it I need to know about this situation?” or, “What will move me one step closer to what I most want?” Then be willing to trust that yourself and open to receiving the quiet guidance of your own creative spirit.
Open to New Possibilities
Your goal or pursuit may currently be wildly frustrating, but remember that your dream is important. Just because you’ve hit a few snags doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel. To bring back your enthusiasm and confidence, try this experiment. When something is troubling you, just sit with it. Don’t do anything to logically fix or solve the problem. Instead, just sit, place your intention on allowing the best possible outcome, and breathe. Momentarily step away from the negative thoughts circling with frenzy within your head. Welcome your creative self to offer new insights and potential solutions to your situation. Your job is to stop fretting and stressing with the problem, and instead place your focus on being open to amazing new possibilities. Insights and creative solutions may not be apparent in the exact moment. Instead, be receptive and open for creativity to show itself however it wants and whenever it’s ready.
Slow Down and Soften Up
Confidence increases as we realize our ability to be inventive and full of resourcefulness. By tapping into our inner creativity, we can become aware of solutions we hadn’t considered before. When you have a challenge or an issue you want resolved, learn to slow down and let down your defenses. Relax, let go of your stress, and breathe. Slowing down and softening your body allows your creative insight to make new connections, see things from a new perspective, and notice things you hadn’t noticed before.
Of course, we all want to know the exact route to reach our destination, and plan things perfectly so we move forward with no unexpected surprises. But odds are that every worthwhile journey leads down some major unexpected side roads. We may even get lost along the way.
Confidence is not about leaving point A and arriving at point Z in perfect, non-eventful fashion. Instead, confidence is discovering that you can trust yourself. You do know the general direction you are heading toward. You do when you are off course. And you can trust yourself to allow your imagination and positive actions to point yourself back in the right direction. Follow the four steps above and watch your confidence grow as you regain trust in your own ability to step forward – one step at a time – into your dream.
Want to awaken new self-confidence and gain more self-trust? Check out the NEW Audio CD Confidence To Love Your Life by Dr. Annette Colby to learn how to be more confident and start living the dream life you’ve always wanted. www.AnnetteColby.com
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Excellent article! It is so true… we must take time to make time. Thanks for reminding me that I already have everything I need to achieve success! I feel much better now…
Hello Pam,
You wrote, “I already have everything I need to achieve success!” Wow. Thanks for writing this so clearly. I read your words and they go directly into the core of my being. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
With joy,
Annette
I am so stressed, for what I think is about my 8th or 9th State job interview (since 2006) coming Mon. Dec. 29, 2008, that I canceled going to Ma’s for Christmas dinner. I have alienated my boyfriend, his son and girlfriend, with my horrid behaviour! I didn’t do as well as I wanted on my interview 12-22-08; and now am for-tunate to get another interview with the same group for a different position on the 29th. I worked a year in 1982 w/the one in charge, but after an awful divorce w/my x getting custody of our 4 girls, due to lies, I feel devastated. I have trouble being sharp and clear and being able to do well in a ‘behavioral based’ interview, even though I am well above the average in my ability and pre-married worklife. I can’t seem to spontaneously give precise situations, actions, and results to several job competencies the way I feel I should, or I’d have the job. Your ‘at ease’ and ‘be open’ are good advice. One of my strong points is supposed to be, ‘making connections’ on seemingly unrelated things. . .yet, I don’t do well enough in interviews.
Dear Maryann,
Thank you for taking the time to leave your comments on our Divine Self! blog. I’m excited to have this opportunity to get to know you and I know many other people can relate to the difficult life experiences you describe.
I’ve read your email several times, and I wanted to wish you an ability to breathe and love yourself for who you are. Like many others, you have had many difficult life experiences over the past 26 years. For you, it’s included nine interviews, alienation from your closest friends, a difficult divorce, and losing custody of your four girls. Of course you feel stressed and devastated at times.
But despite it all, Maryann, you are still participating in your life. You are discovering who you are beyond the stress and crisis and mishap. Having confidence doesn’t mean that you ace your every interview or live a perfect life. Gaining confidence involves seeing how your actions and choices affect your life, giving yourself heartfelt credit for showing up, and making new decisions about how you want to live today.
Personally, I also have trouble being sharp and clear in interview situations. I tend to turn down radio interviews because of my inhibitions. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t live a confident life. It just means that as of today, I’m not yet so good at interviews. You on the other hand, are deciding to go for the interviews, to give them your best shot, and to try again even when one doesn’t work out so well. That is exactly where confidence is born. I say congratulations to you!
Maryann, I believe in you. Look beyond the stress, beyond the acting out with your “horrid behavior” and you will find yourself. There is so much more to you than stress and chaos. And there is so much more that life is willing to offer you. As you offer love to yourself, more love will show up for you. Breathe and follow the choices that bring joy (even when another part of you would rather choose shutting down, acting out behaviors, or self-criticism).
I’d like to hear more about your ability to “make connections on seemingly unrelated things.” That sounds like quite a tremendous gift. Care to share more with us?
Sending you much love,
Annette
I would like to know Why is always ME, no matter how hard I have been trying– it’s always ME. I’m always loser and victim,
somebody else is always Winner. It is devastating to know this, but choices are not my possibilities. And its going on and on and on… I’m living in accordance with God, fully… Maybe this is my mistake; after all of my failures… I started to have bad dreams : In my dreams I’m killer who always killing people who directly had influenced my calamities. I’m so devastated , thinking of suicide as the only way to escape my question: Why it’s ME again and again, no matter how hard I”m trying