My office is 95% painted and I’m feeling in shock. The new color is absolutely breath taking, but… it is SO different. Instead of the warm and comforting gold, crimson, and earthy brownish undertones, this new color is expansive.
Part of me loves it! But the part of me that loved being embraced by my warm cocoon-like office is throwing a tantrum. It’s wants to panic, doubt my decision, and most of all―return to the familiar. I can hear it shouting, “Go back now before it’s too late. Go back, before buying the new curtains, new furniture, and new accessories. Go back now before you go any further.”
Renovation is messy and distressing. Everything is in a complete upheaval. I’ve donated three quarters of my beloved books and now the bookshelves stand empty. The dark crimson gold curtains are down leaving behind naked windows. The furniture―and even the carpet―no longer matches the paint color. Plastic sheets and drop cloths litter the floor. Ladders stand like frozen soldiers in the middle of the room. Paint cans and used blue masking tape trash the room.
While change often seems thrilling in the beginning, change of any kind is unsettling. Typically, the results are always beautiful. But somewhere between the “before” and the “after” things are disorganized. Change is bigger than we imagined, involving more time and more resources than initially imagined.
We tend to make the typical assumption that because we wanted change to happen, it would happen smoothly, and the whole process would be one big happy adventure. Turns out is an adventure, but one that involves disorder, chaos, and often unexpected emotions.
Change shakes things up and leads us into new territory. First, it brings us into the cluttered middle of what was and what will be. It’s a no man’s land where things are torn apart. We don’t yet know how to reorganize, or how things will turn out. Did we make a mistake in giving up the old? Is it too late to turn back? There’s an opportunity that comes from starting over with a clean slate, but do we really want to embrace the new?
Today’s Invitation: If you are in the middle of change, allow yourself a big breath of compassion. Change brings up old issues, but it also allows you to process your feelings and move into new states of awareness. Honor and support your journey, and know you will find your own way through the chaos.
P.S. If you’re going through change yourself, or if you have any helpful inspiration, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. Your insights may be just the light of hope or help that someone else is searching for.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
We know that change is unsettling. However, that is no excuse to stay in our ruts! Like you, I had to release a lot of the books which I was holding on to—–along with a lot of other “stuff” which I couldn’t carry with me on my journey. My brother used to say ‘move every three years to get rid of your “junk” ‘!
I’m now looking forward to moving once our house is sold. Needless to say, it can be scary. I visualize how I want things to be. But, I know from past experiences, that there are always twists and turns in the road ahead. This , I find, very exciting because there are always events which are better then we expect. No one has their life down pat. I love a good adventure and that is what life means to me. Once we realize that there are many things beyond our control, we just go with the flow.
That is what you are doing right now. So, you go girl! I’m on your cheering section of life.
Always, K.
Dear Kathleen,
Yes, change is unsettling. It’s something we rarely expect when we begin the journey. And that’s probably a good thing. If we knew ahead of time how much impact change would have on our lives, I wonder if we would ever move forward!
Congratulations again on your upcoming move. Your brother has some good advice when he says “move every three years.” There’s noting like a good move to motivate the release of unneeded “stuff.” As your oving continues to progress, I know your spirit of adventure will help you glide easily through all the unexpected twists and turns.
I was reminded by my husband Ray last night about how I love to climb mountains. It just feels good to me. There’s no “reason” and no “objective” to climbing the mountain. I’m the kind of person who wants to climb, to feel the exertion and the air, and just stand on the top all by myself. Once I reach the top, I might just take off all my clothes except my climbing shoes, and stand there naked in nature, being a part of it all. Why? Just for the experience and the joy and the love.
May your change be an adventure!
And thanks for cheering me on through mine!!