Most of my office is painted, with the exception of the trim work at the top of the ceilings. We took several days off and just left everything sitting where it was. What an explosion of disorder!
Part of me loves the new expansive feeling the gray color brings. It emits a sense of freedom and expansion. There is light and openness. However, there still exists the part of me that misses the warm cozy cocoon of my former room design. I’m aware of an internal conflict brewing between the love of my former office and all that it represented, and the new expression of myself.
Sitting here in the unfinished chaos of my office reminds me of many clients I’ve worked with, both past and present. We begin our work together with a genuine sense of optimism and excitement. Tired of past ways of dealing with issues, they are eager to understand something new, something beyond what they had experienced previously.
We set our course and move forward. This means introducing new ways of thinking, new awareness of true feelings, and creating a new unity between mind, body, emotions, and spirit. At first, it’s all lovely. The new ideas and perspectives resonate with trueness, and the old ways lose their power. Then real change begins to happen and the transition initiates internal chaos. On the inside, I imagine they look and feel just like my office looks today: Confused. Cluttered. Disordered.
Naturally, there’s a strong pull to go back into the familiar, along with a sadness about leaving something behind. But there is also a heartfelt yearning to move forward into something new. Between these two opposing desires and emotions, an internal conflict takes form.
The most important thing for anyone to do at the onset of this conflict is to take a breath, acknowledge the natural sadness, grief, and fear that change brings, and honor those feelings. Those feelings are not silly because often changing even one small thing changes everything. Small changes frequently have a big effect, and somewhere inside we sense the significance of the change that is in progress.
By allowing ourselves the self-respect to move through our feelings, we can honor who we were and where we were. Then owe it to ourselves to choose a path that feels most true for who we are now.
While moving forward may still provoke uncertainty and apprehension, inside we do know which choice feels most compelling. Once we take responsibility and actually choose a path, we must then stand solid in that decision, no matter what fears and emotions attempt to beat us up for the decision.
What happens often is that people wind up caught in the internal conflict. Fearing change or the emotions that change brings, they sit down in the middle of the clutter and stay there. They don’t commit to going back into the familiar but neither do they commit to move forward.
While it’s okay to sit down for awhile, it’s also immensely uncomfortable mentally, spiritually, and physically. There’s a saying that I often refer to that goes something like this, “Best not to begin. Once begun, best to finish.” Sitting in the middle of change and chaos, between “the what was” and “the what will be” is an awful, heavy feeling that begins to wear a person down. The stress of the conflict eventually leaves a person lethargic, and feeling helpless or even hopeless.
So today, I choose to get back to my painting project and finish what I can. My sister Elke is still willing to offer her immense talents to getting this task complete. The time has come to finish the last of the painting, replace the electrical plates, pick up the drop cloths, and put back the old furniture for now.
Today’s Invitation: Did you move forward on a personal goal, desire, or dream only to find yourself stuck or frozen in the middle of the transition? If so, take time to notice the internal conflict. Feel into emotions enticing you back into the old familiar territory. Also, feel into the choice to move forward. Which choice feels good and true for who you are right now? What small, doable action would break the stalemate and get your life flowing forward once again?
P.S. If you’re going through change yourself, or if you have any helpful inspiration, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. Your insights may be just the light of hope or help that someone else is searching for.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow! I can sure relate to your “changes”. I just came back from a walk through the nature park……lots of changes here——new paths to follow. Me, being me, had to explore.
Tomorrow, I will take a different route and see what changes I can find.
Love your idea of walking up a mountain alone, getting naked and breathing in Nature! Skinny dipping can be fun , as well. Have you ever tried this?
Hi Kathleen,
Life is this amazing adventure of experience. It’s those times when we explore, and feel, and venture out into new experiences that we are most alive. And yet, it’s often so easy to get caught up in the little stuff, thinking that things which don’t really matter do. Here’s to the adventure of life, including the ups and the downs. What a ride!!
What a beautiful post. I feel like you speak to me directly. I am the same situation in my life, except I am trying to change my whole life. It is scary and uncomfortable but I know I got to do it. Thank you so much for your beautiful light.
Love Lucia
Dear beautiful Lucia,
I understand that changing your life is scary and uncomfortable. Change requires us to move from our smaller, confined circle of comfort to one that is larger and more expansive. Like Columbus sailing off to explore the edge of the ocean, you too are exploring unknown new territory. The risk is that you might fall off the edge of the world. Choose actions that allow you to safely feel the stretch of growth. Ask yourself each week, “What risk have I taken?” “What success have I experienced?” Make it okay to be a beginner again. It’s how you grow and transform. You will continue to inspire others and find strengths you never knew you had.
I believe in you!
Annette, I love this:
“By allowing ourselves the self-respect to move through our feelings, we can honor who we were and where we were. Then owe it to ourselves to choose a path that feels most true for who we are now. ”
How very true.
I tweeted your “best not to begin…” saying. I loved it. Great article. Thanks!
Stephen – Rat Race Trap’s last blog post..The 5th Age of a Business Expansion – Bigger Is Better
Hi Stephen,
Thanks for coming to visit our Divine Self! blog.
The path of being true to our Divine Self is the most difficult and yet the most rewarding path we could possibly take.
I, too, absolutely LOVE that saying about “Best not to begin. Once begun best to finish.” It’s such a simple but profound message. It reminds me not only to continue forward through my journey even when the going gets rough. The journey or adventure was important to me when I started, and it’s still important even though it might be more difficult than anticipated.
Thanks again for your comment and I know that people will love your inspirational life improvement perspectives that you offer on http://www.ratracetrap.com
Hi, nice posts there
thank’s exchange for the intriguing dirt
I have found my current exercise journey to be just like you are talking about. I go to the gym, I feel great, I even start to see changes and BAM, there’s some reason not to go to the gym, I’m too tired etc… I know there is a physically strong healthy me waiting to come into the world and that I need to stay focused on the goal and not let the distractions move me away from what my true self wants. Thanks again for another great post that is relevant to today!