We’re all familiar with fear in one form or another. Fear, in all its forms and disguises, is the biggest obstacle standing between us and our dreams. Fear can lead to procrastination, it can paralyze us, it causes us to hide, it keeps us living small lives, it can prevent us from making important decisions and taking action.
Fear eats away at our clarity and vitality. It keeps us from experiencing who we truly are. It keeps us from expressing our truth. It keeps us hidden away not only from ourselves, but others as well.
When it comes to fear, we all have our own special brand of something we’re afraid of. As for me, I’m no different. Currently, my biggest fear is stage fright. My heart clenches, my breathing shallows. But the worst thing is the worry and stress before an event. The heavy anticipation feelings are so painful that I often play ostrich and hide my head in the sand when offered public speaking opportunities.
I usually keep my fear a secret and do my best to find ways around it. The downside is that I never really feel secure and often end up turning down interviews, radio broadcast shows, and other opportunities to share my message. More often than not, my fearful emotions dictate my life choices when it comes to speaking before groups.
In anticipation of accepting an invitation to be interviewed on a web radio broadcast show, I posted a question to my friends and followers on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/annette.colby and Twitter http://www.Twitter.com/AnnetteColby asking, “What is the best way to overcome stage fright?”
Inspiration From Legendary Superstar Cher
Not too long ago I happened to tune into a television interview with Cher which was conducted immediately after one of her concerts. Cher was typical Cher… beautiful, confident, and shining with exuberance. The interview was mostly standard fluff until the end when the interviewer asked Cher if there was anything in her life that she regretted or would change. The answer was a solid genuine “no”
With one exception . . .
Cher expressed that her lifelong painful ordeal with stage fright was the one thing she truly wished she could change about herself.
Hearing her answer, my world stood still. I have always had stage fright and assumed that with enough age and wisdom that one day it would somehow just disappear. Now I was hearing Cher tells us of her struggles with stage fright throughout her entire career. Can you imagine? Creative, passionate, successful, beloved Cher was not immune to stage fright.
I immediately felt dual and contrasting emotions. First, I felt deflated. With all of Cher’s resources, connections, and wealth, she hadn’t found the miracle answer to wiping stage fright fear from her life. My mind chastised me saying that if Cher hadn’t found a way to overcome her stage fright fear, then what chance did I have of doing so?
But I also felt hopeful knowing that fear doesn’t have to dictate our life choices. We can still be authentic and follow our spirit even when fear does its best to keep us small and quiet. Cher was a living, breathing example of someone who truly did not let her fear stop her from creative expression.
Gathering some courage from Cher’s interview, I vowed to once again face my own stage fright. In anticipation of accepting an invitation to be interviewed on a web radio broadcast show, I posted a question to my friends and followers on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/annette.colby and Twitter http://www.Twitter.com/AnnetteColby asking, “What is the best way to overcome stage fright?”
All agree that while we would wish for a miracle cure to move us past what scares us, the best course of action is showing up.
Below are the responses from both Twitter and Facebook friends. While you may not have stage fright, the information shared proves valuable for most types of fear.
Take a deep breath, enjoy the suggestions, and may you find the courage to overcome your fears.
Twitter Responses to the question, “What is the best way to fight fear?”
@carbru How about deep breathing and well-oxygenated lungs – always helps. Also try rescue remedy.
@MentalHygienx I don’t think an expert exists in that 
But the best thing you can do to fight fear is force relaxing and slow, deep breaths
@journeycoach I hear EFT can help. Haven’t used it for that purpose yet.
@JulieMcKown Not an expert, but I’ve done it – by letting go of the outcome. I only get stage fright if I think the performance IS me.
@JulieMcKown If I can accept that the outcome will be perfect no matter what & I don’t care about criticism or praise, I can just have fun.
@txmeep I guess picturing everyone naked isn’t an option! I know what works for me when I sing/speak, but I know you’ll find your way!
Facebook Responses to the question, “What is the best way to fight fear?”
Fern I second the EFT idea. I can’t always get it to work for me, but when it does, the results are unbeatable. EFT has changed my life. Also, lowering my expectations for the outcome relieves a lot of pressure!
Linda W. I used to be terrified to speak in front of people. One thing that helped me tremendously was Toastmasters, the other was “just doing it.”
M.P. Years ago when I began singing in public (church), I was obviously very nervous. Beginning with the very first time I sang a duet with a friend, I prayed that my voice would not be what was heard. I didn’t want it to have anything to do with me because I couldn’t sing. I prayed that only God’s voice and message would be heard. I completely disconnected myself from the outcome. For all the years I sang, I prayed that same prayer every single time…that MY voice and message would not be the one heard, only GOD’S voice and message.
For the longest time (about 12 years) I never knew if it really was happening that way even though I felt as if it was. Then one day, a man came up to me in church and said that he loved it when I sang. He said, “You can tell in the first couple of notes that you’re a bit nervous, but then it’s like someone else takes over and it’s not you singing anymore.” Right then and there, I knew that my prayers were answered and it was coming across the way I wanted it to when I sang.
Meg S. I used to give a lot of presentations to big groups, and thought I’d share my 2 cents in case it could help at all.
One thing that really helps me is to have the first couple of thoughts and the closing thoughts totally down cold, word for word what I will say. Generally I don’t like to speak that way and prefer to be more ‘off the cuff’ or from the heart, but it helps to get me over those first minutes of fright so I can focus on slowing down, staying calm, breathing while I’m talking, etc. and don’t have to even think about the words I’ll be using. And then the ending is good to have nailed so any point when I feel too stressed to continue I can launch right into that. I also make notes in big bullet format so they are easy to spot quickly as I’m talking and can glance down.
I try to remember that my listeners are human and many of them share a fear of speaking in front of groups so they will likely be very compassionate and forgiving if I do stumble at all. That also helps me laugh at myself and acknowledge to the group any issues and they will generally laugh along with me and then that helps release any tension. And also, I try to remember that the listeners are more interested in the information I’m trying to share than they are in me so I don’t need to be so personally invested in the process, I’m just the vehicle.
One other thought…come from a place of love. Meaning, instead of focusing on the fear focus on delivering love to the audience.
And, like that famous book, feel the fear and do it anyway!
Mackie Schaars and the Paper Street Band http://www.facebook.com/l/;www.myspace.com/mackieandpaperstreet
Just got your question about stage fright. Expert in it!! I’ll just pass on some things that work for me. Even though I’m singing a LOT these days, I get stage fright before I’m actually up and going.
1. Go through all the scenarios in your mind before you get on stage…both of failure and success. If you picture yourself blanking out on lyrics or a speech…and then recovering and how you would do it..it’s easier! You see yourself as rising above whatever could go wrong. (And I guarantee—having been a public speaker and a singer—99% of the time you are the only one who knows there was a mistake.)
2. Either stay really really busy or take the day off and chill…whichever way works better for you. You just have to test it out. I spend the day working on my music before a gig. Some people don’t think about it until it’s show time!
3. Pick a time to STOP having nerves and anxiety. Allow yourself to be nervous up until a certain time before the performance….after that, time to move on!
4. Practice! Practice your speech, your song, whatever in front of the mirror….out loud. Know how you look and sound. Feel it! You will be more comfortable in your body when you are on stage.
5. If possible, tape yourself during an actual speech/performance. I learned that one of the ways I moved my arms during a song made it look as though I was about to take off in flight! Haha
6. On the other hand….DON’T watch/listen to yourself TOO much. Enough to see what you can improve…enough to pat yourself on the back for what you do well. But not enough to where you hear/see every single thing under a microscope. No one else is looking at you like that and neither should you.
7. I heard this somewhere and loved it…(related to singing) “It’s only music. Nobody died!” Great to remember.
Go out there and enjoy being in the spotlight, being the show, being the expert, being the best at what you do!
If you have any true stories or advice you would like to share, please leave your comments below!
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Have taught many workshops on Managing Public Speaking Anxiety. I have brought together what I consider to be an excellent summary of my own experience and the tips experts give on managing public speaking anxiety. Anyone interested can obtain an ecopy of my booklet at TeachPublicSpeaking.net.
Dr. Milt,
Thank you for stopping by to visit our Divine Self! blog. We appreciate your presence.
With joy,
Annette
Public speaking anxiety can be managed in a number of ways. Some of the things we need to “manage” are mental in nature, while others depend on what we say and how we say it.
From a mental perspective one of my favorite tips is “to simply have a conversation with your listeners.” Remember what it’s like when you have coffee with a friend; take this same attitude to the lectern. Remember, they are not there to see you unless you’re a famous person. All they want is your information, your stories and perhaps your opinion.
When it comes to “what you say,” a well crafted presentation can be designed to enhance memory for both you and your listeners. One idea should flow smoothy to the next. The number of ideas you address should be limited in number. A liberal use of stories and analogies are easy to remember as well as being powerful rhetorical techniques. And, there is NO substitute for practice and feedback.
Finally, “how you say it” should be as natural and free of distracting manerisms as possible. Outstanding delivery technique takes practice and the willingness to experience the discomfort of speaking before a group until you begin to relax. Anyone who truly wants to become a good public speaker, at a minimum of cost, should find a local Toastmaster International public speaking club where practice and feedback become a lot of fun!
When it’s all said and done, there is no single way to manage public speaking anxiety. However, if you are willing to experience some pain while you “get your butterflys to fly in formation,” you can become an outstanding public speaker and experience the power that public speaking brings.
Dear Dr. Wood,
Thank you for sharing the wisdom gained from your years of experience as a professional public-speaking skills trainer.
I love your honest, and yet fun approach as you tell us how to prepare, practice, and gather feedback. What I found most useful is when you state, “Remember, they are not there to see you unless you’re a famous person. All they want is information, stories, and perhaps your opinion.” That perspective is priceless!!
I’m going to your website at http://www.teachpublicspeaking.net right now and placing an order for your book “Teach Public Speaking to Anyone!”
Thank you again for doing the work you do, and for making your work available to us in book form. I’ll carry the echos of your words with me when I step forward into my next speaking engagement.
Hello Annette – we met on Twitter!
I am pleased I took the time to visit your site – I like it
I will coming back as we obviously have a lot in common and Im sure I can learn something from you!
On the topic of fear….Fear can be absolutely debilitating and can stop us in our tracks on the road to success! I have recently written a series on fear and different ways to approach it. I am not a fearful person myself – I find that gathering as much information about a subject as I possibly can, puts me in an excellent position to make an informed and educated decision about whatever I am facing – I think the fear of failure is probably worst of all and stops so many people reaching their potential.
Educate yourself on any issue you are fearful of – realize you are not alone and seek help when you need it!
I could go on about this all day – but I wont!
I will however come back and see you soon!
Thanks – Kymmy
For me fear is the wrost thing i’ve ever known.I really know how to sing,but everytime i stepped up it like something pull me down the fear make me feel that i am a loser .I feel my heart almost come out which is not good for my health,only thinking about the public it a big problem.thanks
Dear Marie,
I completely understand how debiliting fear can be. It must be frustrating for you to know that you sing well, to want to sing, but then to have the fear pull you down. The pain of your heart pounding can make you not want to step forward into the public spotlight. But somehow you will find your way to sing and express yourself in a way that feels safe for you.
I hope this article let you know that you are not alone, that the fear can be overcome, and others are here to support your rise out of fear.
When you find your own way to let your voice out into the world, I would love to hear your song. Annette
Hi Dr
Who would have thought that Cher suffered from stagefright!
In terms of remedy, I would say:
1 Regular practice in a supportive environment – try joining a Speakers Club.
2 Know your material well – practice, practice, practice.
3 Deep breathing.
4 Learn how to look confident – doesn’t matter how you feel inside, the audience only see the outside.
Good luck to anyone who suffers with stagefright.
Keith Davis´s last blog ..A helping hand…
The importance of taking several deep breaths is truly an effective way to help manage one’s public speaking anxiety. The reason “why” is seldom explained. The power of this technique goes back to what is called the “Fight or Flight Response.” This is a type of survival response that is particularly important when we face a truly life threatening situation. Many automatic things happen inside our body when this results in a big squirt of adrenaline being introduced into our blood stream: e.g., our eyes dialate, our heart rate increases, our visual field narrows, we perspire and our breathing rate increases to a point where we’re pumping so much extra oxygen in our body that we begin to feel light-headed. Out of all these automatic responses (and there are more) only one is also under conscious control… our rate of breathing. When we put our breathing rate under control by taking slow, deep breaths, two major things happen. 1. We reduce the likelihood of over-oxygenation that makes us feel light-headed, and 2. it signals the other automatic responses taking place that maybe the threat isn’t as bad as expected. Taken together, we put a throttle on the Fight or Flight Response that in turn helps us relax. Just thought I mention why deep breathing is always useful in a high stress situation… assuming we really don’t have to fight or run. Then the extra oxygen can really help
)
Hello Keith…
Stellar pointers! Having suffered with stage fright myself, I know I’ve experienced the hope that there was some magical solution out there that would wipe away all the uncomfortable feelings. But, your comments are the real ways to overcome the fear of speaking: Join a speaking group, practice, know your material, deep breathing, and confidence building.
Hello Milt…
Deep breathing seems like it is always the most appropriate answer in any difficult experience. Breathing brings us back to center, helps calm the fight or flight response, and helps us tap into our true spirit.
Thanks for sharing your professional insights and offering strategies for success.