If you find that your will to choose is not fully developed, you feel out of control. If you have not learned to use your free will, you feel fragile and vulnerable. If you were brought up to obey others while denying and disowning your unique personal choices, you feel lifeless. If your will is ignored, suppressed, or hidden, pain will arise.
Look closely at your own will. Is it frequently:
Pushed around by the will of other people?
- Influenced by the opinions of others?
- Suppressed by your own feelings, such as depression, guilt, anger, or fear?
- Immobilized by inaction and lack of direction?
- Weakened by self-doubt?
Notice if you generally do what you wish, from the core of your being, because you have willed it, or does some other factor dominate? Do you mold yourself to the expectations of others? What happens when you tell yourself, “I can create my life exactly the way I want it, in all dimensions — body, work, family, relationships, community, and the larger world?” How does your inner voice respond?
Will Versus Willpower
Will is not to be confused with old-fashioned willpower. Stern, harsh, self-critical actions are not what we are talking about here. Willpower contains the heavy emotional burden of what you “should” be doing or “should not” be doing, instead of what you want to be doing. It is filled with “trying” and “hoping” to do things while having doubt and lack of intention and confidence.
The true function of will serves to provide direction, not to impose upon you. Will involves no threat or sense of guilt or punishment. Instead, will springs from within your core and contains life, excitement, and even passion. Obviously, moving forward in your life with will also requires effort and determination. It’s not easy to create change or set out in a new direction. Yet when your actions are born from free will, you move forward knowing that your efforts are important to you.
Choice and Decisiveness Strengthening Exercise
Activating will implies that you act from clarity of self, rather than impulse, desire, or habit. How can you strengthen will? By becoming aware of your choices! Instead of living your life on autopilot or by force of habit, become aware of your everyday actions and behaviors. There is an opportunity to strengthen will in each moment. Here are just a few ways of activating will in various situations throughout life:
- Try something new.
- Make a plan and then follow it.
- Do something extremely slowly.
- When facing a minor choice, choose without hesitation.
- Act out of character.
- Refrain from saying something you are tempted to say.
- Do something that makes you feel insecure.
Activating and strengthening your will is a conscious choice. It is also a courageous choice. Will requires that you take risks, do things that are different and often out of your realm of comfort. At times you may fail or others may judge you. But you can do it! You can strengthen your will, give yourself freedom, happiness, and live the life that is meaningful to you. It is only possible to be truly happy when you are first true to yourself!
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Wonderful article, Annette…..thank you.
When you mention being pushed around by other people, are you referring to Manipulation?
Annette, I think this is one of the worst problems for most people:
“Pushed around by the will of other people?”
“It is only possible to be truly happy when you are first true to yourself!”
Amen to that! Great job!
Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..Edit Your Life
Hi Stephen,
What a great perspective! “It is only possibe to be truly happy when you aer first true to yourself.”
It can take a long time to strengthen our will and even longer to pull ourselves out of the pull of conformity. Like you stated, what helps is having a clearly defined purpose. A well-defined purpose strengthens our personal foundation, defines our reasons for living, and gives meaning to our actions. Without a well-defined purpose it’s easy to be at the mercy of others who will gladly define your purpose for us.
Strengthening will begins by asking the important questions: What do I want? WLhat’s important to me? Knowing your direction allows you to develop your own purpose and plan. You know what you want to say “yes” or “no” to.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
A fine article, but this sounds more like it pertains to assertiveness and, of course, will. I have become a master at throwing myself beyond my comfort zone and just “winging it”, but how to make and follow a prepared plan, and not just moments before a deadline?
Just the article I needed to read first thing this morning. YES! I am planning some changes in my life and my will is finally being set free……it is an awesome feeling.
How are you, Annette? I haven’t heard from you in awhile.