One of the hardest things to do is to find an empowering meaning while going through depression. In truth, while in the midst of depression, it may be impossible to answer the questions of “why depression” or “why me?”
Everything has a reason, and depression has one, too. However, the reason for depression may not become apparent until long after the experience has passed. Even as you question why you have been thrust into the pits of blackness and wonder why nothing gets any better, there is deep meaning and value to your experience. Depression is an experience that goes far beyond a chemical imbalance or a clinical condition.
With depression, our first tendency is to resist the unacceptable pain and darkness that goes along with the experience. We want to fight and strive to make things different. We don’t understand why we are depressed or when it will go away. However the non-acceptance is a conflict between how things actually are and your image of how things should be. This lack of alignment generates an additional sense of anger, frustration, hopelessness, and pain on top of an already complex situation.
How does one accept something that is so painful? Even if a person wanted to, how does one actually do it? Accepting the reality of depression can be very difficult. Yet adopting such a perspective allows you cope with the situation. This means adapting to your depression and learning new ways of taking care of yourself in the best way you can.
Rather than giving in to passivity and complete helplessness, or continuing with unsuccessful attempts to fight your depression, acceptance allows you to face reality and tell yourself, “All right. This is how things are right now, right in this instant. What actions can I take in this moment to take care of myself even while I’m feeling depressed?”
Things may not become clear until you are able to look back on them with hindsight. One day, you will reflect upon this miserable experience and realize that your depressive process was a pivotal change process in your life. For now, take a breath and be open to the idea that your depression has meaning. All of your life is on purpose. Depression is a process and the more you know about that process, the more you can help yourself move through the experience.
If you or someone you know is depressed, Depression Freedom is a powerful book that reveals new insights about the nature of depression… and how to move through it.
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Dear Dr Annette,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful post on depression.
Regretfully, a few people quite close to me have had to battle with this illness. I’ve never really thought of looking at it as something that has meaning in the sense that it occurs so as to bring about a positive change in one’s life.
I don’t even think that that is an approach that has been brought up or discussed (to date) at my graduate school for social work. However, I really like what you are suggesting… Has it been your experience that in most cases, depression has indeed resulted from your clients’ needing to bring about an important change in their lives and that once they find a way to do so, their depression lifts?
Best,
D.
Dear Dorlee,
I offer my deepest compassion to you for having watched several of your close relationships got through the experience of depression. That must have been difficult to stand by offering only acceptance and love, and not being able to do much else to take their pain away. I hope that your loved ones have found their way through their depression and are now able to laugh and play once more.
In life most of us want things to go well. We have plans and visions that we want to see through to completion. We strive to be happy, healthy, and successful. So when we have experiences that we did not consciously plan, we often feel as if something has gone wrong, or that we made a mistake.
When life is unfolding differently than we would wish, we have a tendency to think we are doing something wrong or experiencing something we shouldn’t be experiencing. We think, “No, this can’t be right. There must be some huge mistake. I’m not supposed to be having this experience.” As a result, we’re predisposed to see difficult experiences and feelings as a form of illness, which we hope to conquer, cure, and expel.
The experience of depression, particularly spiritual depression, is not a disease or a weakness. It is not a sickness or a disorder. Spiritual depression is a process during which we offer ourselves an opportunity to clean up a great deal of pain and fear within this lifetime. We set out to free ourselves from conformity, false limitations, and distrust of life and our true selves.
As much as we might believe we have something better to do with our life right now, our purpose is to move through the spiritual depression process. Our purpose is to sit still, avoid the usual distractions and expectations of typical life, and allow the deep awakening, change, and healing to continue.
As we persevere, we show ourselves how to breathe, how to face our worst fears about life and self, how to initiate a new trust in our body, and how to consciously choose life. Depression, while a terribly painful experience, often allows the incubation and inescapability that makes personal transformation possible. Through an inward journey, often traveling through dark beliefs of disempowerment, we eventually lead ourselves into awareness of the loving spirit that lies within us.
I wish you continued success with your graduate school and much support as you continue to understand depression and mental illness from the depths of your own inner wisdom and compassion.
With love, Annette