We’ve all been knocked off center and caught in an experience that feels less than desirable. When this happens it’s easy to feel sad, withdrawn, like we’ve done something wrong, if we were “better” these things wouldn’t have happened to us, or self-blaming like we shouldn’t be having this experience at all. When life is intensely different from normal, we can feel adrift without anything to hold onto.

How do we get through these difficult times? By relying on self-love to guide us to the best way to take care of our needs moment by moment. If you’ve never been particularly good at taking care of yourself when you’re feeling well, let alone when you’re feeling down, here’s an outline of what self-love during a difficult experience might look like.

Alone Time
Often feeling less than optimal can bring about an introverted or isolating process. The pain of sickness, grieving or depression is intense, and many times we wish to be by ourselves. It’s important to follow those inner urges to retreat from many of the normal day-to-day activities and seek solace with our own self when necessary. This down time can be healing as it slows us down, makes us introspective, and allows us to listen within. 

Expression
If you choose to be in solitude, allow your alone time to be healing and expressive. Any media in which you can give expression to deep emotions can be equally healing. Expression such as writing, painting, collage, conscious breathing, or talking aloud to a friend or yourself in a mirror can help clear the subconscious and permit the progression of emotional healing. 

Nature
In addition, when you feel the need to be alone, follow your inner instincts by going for a walk in nature, sitting beneath the trees, or watching the water. Sit with the Earth and let her listen and provide comfort as you softly express your sorrow. Fresh air and a change of scenery can help you breathe, give you access to the healing power of nature, and get you through at least part of the day. 

Reach Out to Others
Withdrawing is sometimes the best answer—and sometimes it’s not. Rest assured that you don’t have to handle your experience or your emotions all by yourself. Even if it feels like no one would want to be around you right now, it just isn’t true. There are people who will listen with acceptance to your feelings and thoughts. 

Many people can offer the type of listening or support you are looking for. A trusted friend, understanding family member, trained therapist, doctor, or religious counselor can offer compassion, nonjudgmental listening, and a safe environment for emotional expression. 

The emotions that accompany the pain of illness, surgery, depression or intense sadness are often messy and can feel overwhelming. Sometimes just having someone sit with you, listening, and quietly holding your hand as you fall apart emotionally can provide the most important healing. 

Even if you don’t feel like talking about anything in specific, sometimes it’s important to spend some time with people and trusted friends who love you. You don’t have to be entertaining or your usual self. Just being in the presence of a friend can lift you up just enough to make it through the day. 

Connect with the Right People
Not everyone is capable of sitting with you in a helpful, reaffirming way. Listening with empathy to a person sharing dark or despairing feelings can be difficult for many people to handle. It’s a normal tendency for people to get nervous and want to talk, give advice, try to fix the problem, or offer solutions. Some people will argue with you about how miserable you feel or insist that you just “snap out of it.” Don’t give up because one or two people weren’t able to provide support in the way that you needed. Consider telling those people what type of listening would be most helpful. 

What you really want is someone who can be present with you comfortably, who can validate your experience, and who truly wants to understand how things are for you right now. If a particular person can’t learn how to be with you, trust your instincts and reach out to someone else. 

When you are in the presence of another person, give yourself a break from feeling responsible for his or her comfort. Making small talk or taking care of others is often an impossible task when recovering, grieving or depressed. Even the thought of keeping someone else entertained requires too much energy. Let someone know that you just want to sit together outdoors, watch television, or read together. Reassure them in advance that you have no need for them to entertain you, and that they don’t have to fill up the silence. 

Human Contact
If being with a friend doesn’t feel right, consider scheduling a series of massage or chair massage sessions. We often delete human contact and pleasure from our lives when we need it most. Massage won’t cure you of grief, illness or depression, but there is something very basic and fundamental about

being in the presence of human compassion and touch. When you’re receiving a massage, you can be with another person—just the way you are—without feeling like you have to smile, be nice, or give anything back. 

Ultimately, there are no preset criteria for when to be alone and when to seek support. Sometimes talking with someone is what you need; sometimes sitting in silence with another person or being alone in nature is most helpful. As you continue to travel through your journey back into health and well-being, trust yourself to discover your own unique balance between using self-help techniques and reaching out to others for support, listening, and validation.

Are you looking for new ways to end depression? Even if you are angry at yourself for being human and have lost all hope, Depression Freedom shows the gentle steps you can take to skillfully lead yourself through depression and restore the joy of living. It is impossible to read this book without being changed by it. The inspiration within these pages will captivate you and be the inspiration you need to stop the reign of darkness and embrace a new celebration of life.

Can Emotions Harm Us?

While diverting attention from an overwhelming emotion is sometimes a healthy coping mechanism, it is not a long term solution. There’s a saying that goes, “What we resist, persists.” This expression is true when it pertains to the intense emotions that depression can bring in awareness. 

No matter how it feels, an emotion cannot harm us. No matter how intense, raw, or extreme an emotion is, it cannot kill us. We may believe ourselves to be unsafe during an emotional situation, and we may be uncertain how to cope with the intensity of what we are experiencing, but the energy of an emotion is just that—energy. 

Expression
Healing depression requires learning new ways of expressing emotions and emotional energy. This doesn’t mean analysis, figuring out why you are feeling what you are experiencing, or looking to the past to see who is to blame for why you are feeling so bad. 

What is needed is pure, safe, authentic expression. This means finding new ways to allow the energy inside to get outside. Because when energy is given awareness and expression, it ends up seeking its own resolution. Healing depression and emotions isn’t about finding mental solutions to a problem—healing requires bringing into conscious awareness the expression of the painful beliefs and stories held within. Once we are consciously aware of the beliefs that no longer serve us, then and only then, are we able to make new and different choices. 

New Ways of Healing Emotions and Depression
Instead of resisting emotions, ask yourself what the best way is to allow a safe expression of the emotion. Sense inward for the choice that is right for you—while you’re feeling deep emotions. Do the best you can to allow the intense energy of emotions to release in a way that is natural and safest for you. Keep breathing. Feel into your inner self and ask, “What is the best thing I can do for myself right now while this process continues? What is the best form of expression I can give to my pain to help myself heal?” 

If you don’t get an immediate answer, take a few deep breaths and wait a while until you have a sense of what direction to take. If you still don’t know what to do to help express yourself, just try something. Listed below are a few ideas to get you started. 

Emotional expression comes in many forms. For instance… 

• do you need to listen to soothing music,
• scream in the privacy of your car,
• carve your emotions onto the crisp white pages of a journal,
• wail your painful story to a friend who will listen,
• sit in the warm sunshine,
• or take a walk in the cold night? 
• Do you feel the need to take a shower or a bath?
• Perhaps it would be more fitting to draw it,
• sculpt it in clay,
• or make visual images? 
• Another approach is to take the emotion or feeling into movement or sound. 
• Or perhaps you feel the need to cry?

If so, go ahead and let it out. Cry, curl up in a fetal position in the corner, and be aware of yourself having the experience. You don’t need to know why or what the tears are about. Get out of your head, and stay with yourself as you cry. Hang on until the emotional wave passes. If a painful story does come up, continue breathing and use some form of expression to get the story  outside of yourself. 

Gaining Trust of Yourself During Depression
Moving things out into conscious awareness provides new perspective and healing. You don’t have to act on emotions, but they do require awareness through some form of expression. 

There’s no standard “right” answer to what you are supposed to do. There’s no fixing the emotion. There’s just you breathing, sensing inward for the best way to express yourself, keeping yourself safe, and allowing your process to come into completion. Things are complete when there’s nothing more to express, when you run out of steam, or when you notice you’re expressing the same things repeatedly and there doesn’t seem to be an inner reason to continue with the expression. When you reach that point, take a few deep breaths and let the process be complete. 

With learning new coping mechanisms of how to safely be with seemingly unsafe emotions, we enter into a new level of trust for life and for ourselves. We learn that we are safe even during the windstorms of intense emotions. 

Are you looking for new ways to end depression? Even if you are angry at yourself for being human and have lost all hope, Depression Freedom shows the gentle steps you can take to skillfully lead yourself through depression and restore the joy of living. It is impossible to read this book without being changed by it. The inspiration within these pages will captivate you and be the inspiration you need to stop the reign of darkness and embrace a new celebration of life.

Unfortunately, there is not one right way to navigate through the overwhelm of depression. Each person experiencing their journey must reach both outward and inward for support. Below are five powerful tips that can help you discover your own unique approaches to help you cope with the rough patches of depression.

Accept the Situation
If you’re like most people, you really don’t want to accept the situation. After all, this experience feels so terrible you don’t want to accept it. You want to fight it. You want to push against it. You want to do anything to make it to go away. Struggling against depression is an automatic and immediate reaction, however, it is a reaction that only makes you sink deeper. There is a way out, and that way begins with acceptance. Acceptance brings you to a place of stillness to assess the situation from a non-reactionary perspective. 

Prioritize Your Obligations
There are a lot of obligations in our day-to-day lives, but during depression some of those less than critical obligations need to be set on the back burner. Of course, you want to do it all, to live your “normal” life, but acceptance helps you recognize that this is not your “normal” life. You are in a depression process. Carrying too many obligatory “should do’s” will weigh you down, pull you under, and slow down the healing process. So lighten up your load by eliminating all those less than top priority essential actions. Even though you are depressed, you still possess the ability to discern which of your life activities must be sustained, which activities might even be helpful to continue, and which activities must be set aside. 

Breathe deeply
Depression easily keeps your body, mind, and spirit in the quicksand grip of worry, anxiety, fear, and overactive thinking. Learning to manage your breathing is a core skill necessary to lower the stress and calm down. Deep conscious breathing gets you centered and helps you get out of your own way. Breathing is the lubricant that disentangles fear, lifts out heaviness, and brings in hope. With some of that heaviness dispersed, you feel a little lighter, a little more energized, and a little more capable to get through the day. Don’t worry about finding the right way to breathe, just allow yourself to take slow deep breaths often throughout the day and especially when things feel overwhelming. 

Self-Talk that Works
Go to the nearest mirror and talk to your body, your mind, and your spirit. Acknowledge the difficulty of your situation, and thank your body, mind, and spirit for doing their best to help you get through this. 

Your body, although it feels terrible, is not the cause of your depression; it’s the part of you that carries the physical effects of the depression process. Your body must deal with the stress and overwhelm of depression, as well as the lethargy, emotional effects, and aches and pains. Let your body know that you appreciate the hard work it’s doing in helping you move through this experience. 

Also talk to your logical mind with compassion. Your mind is most likely overtaxed and overwhelmed trying to figure out a solution to end this depression. Since depression is a process, there aren’t any mental solutions that your mind can produce to suddenly end this experience. In the mirror, tell your mind that you appreciate all the logical efforts and intellectual attempts at solutions. Let you mind know that it hasn’t failed you, but instead there are no mental solutions that will quickly end depression. 

Lastly, speak with your spirit. You will know instinctively what to say. Offer your spirit gratitude, a plea for help, or even offer your anger. Communication with all parts of you will keep the depression process moving forward. 

Healing Spirit of Nature
Take one walk a day, in a park or natural setting. While you are outside, notice anything that strikes you as colorful, interesting, or pleasing to your senses. Feel the wind on your skin, notice the temperature of the day, smell the flowers, feel the grass beneath your feet, listen to the leaves rustling in the trees, or sit by a creek and watch the water flowing by. Because you are depressed, you may not be able to experience happiness as you once did (and will again), but nature opens your senses and gently heals your wounds. When you don’t know of anything else to do to get yourself through the day, take yourself  outside. 

Depression interferes with life and routines, and disrupts emotions. If you are having a difficult day look both within and without to help you survive. Ask for support. Reach out and be honest. You might be surprised at how many people have been where you are right now. Also reach within and notice the best ways to take care of yourself. 

Are you looking for new ways to end depression? Even if you are angry at yourself for being human and have lost all hope, Depression Freedom shows the gentle steps you can take to skillfully lead yourself through depression and restore the joy of living. It is impossible to read this book without being changed by it. The inspiration within these pages will captivate you and be the inspiration you need to stop the reign of darkness and embrace a new celebration of life.

Everything has a reason, and depression has one, too. However, the reason for depression may not become apparent until long after the experience has passed. Even as you question why you have been thrust into the pits of blackness and wonder why nothing gets any better, there is deep meaning and value to your experience. Depression is an experience that goes far beyond a chemical imbalance or a clinical condition.

With depression, our first tendency is to resist the unacceptable pain and darkness that goes along with the experience. We want to fight and strive to make things different. We don’t understand why we are depressed or when it will go away. However the non-acceptance is a conflict between how things actually are and your image of how things should be. This lack of alignment generates an additional sense of anger, frustration, hopelessness, and pain on top of an already complex situation. 

How does one accept something that is so painful? Even if a person wanted to, how does one actually do it? Accepting the reality of depression can be very difficult. Yet adopting such a perspective allows you cope with the situation. This means adapting to your depression and learning new ways of taking care of yourself in the best way you can. 

Rather than giving in to passivity and complete helplessness, or continuing with unsuccessful attempts to fight your depression, acceptance allows you to face reality and tell yourself, “All right. This is how things are right now, right in this instant. What actions can I take in this moment to take care of myself even while I’m feeling depressed?” 

Things may not become clear until you are able to look back on them with hindsight. One day, you will reflect upon this miserable experience and realize that your depressive process was a pivotal change process in your life. For now, take a breath and be open to the idea that your depression has meaning. All of your life is on purpose. Depression is a process and the more you know about that process, the more you can help yourself move through the experience. 

If you or someone you know is depressed, Depression Freedom is a powerful book that reveals new insights about the nature of depression… and how to move through it.

Although no end is in sight to what looks like the worst nightmare of your life, your situation is not hopeless. You don’t need to go it alone, but you do need to show up for yourself like you have never done before. Although motivation may be almost nonexistent and persevering through this journey seems a grueling task, it is necessary that you take positive action. You cannot recover by a mere act of will or sheer willpower. You can’t change your “mood” and no longer be depressed. You can’t wish it away. 

What you can do is take action on the small things that help you survive for the long haul and keep your experience moving forward. Gaining freedom from depression is a process that can’t be rushed. However, while you may not be able to speed up the process, there are unfortunately plenty of ways to get tangled up in the situation and make things worse than they already are.   

The key to depression recovery is to start small and keep doing the small things. Your goal is not to make yourself achieve happiness. It’s not that you won’t have some occasional moments of feeling okay or even somewhat cheerful, but overall, “happy” isn’t going to be one of your leading emotions. Your objective is to keep the process moving. It’s very, very easy to get stuck. You want to act in ways that will make a positive difference to get your energy unblocked and flowing.

 There are many, many paths, techniques, medicines, religions, and expert opinions concerning how best to get through depression. Your path through depression is as singular as you are, and no technique in the world can possibly encompass that. All those who are experiencing depression must discover for themselves, through experience, what works for them. Because your depression is unique, you can’t just fit yourself into the framework of a certain set of ideas. There is no one right way to move through your depression, nor is there a perfect system that you can follow. 

As you journey through your depression experience, take the information you encounter into that place within where you can touch your soul, where your wisdom resides. When certain ideas that you like resonate with you, make sense to you, then take those ideas and move forward. But if there’s an idea that doesn’t seem to ring true within you, ignore it or maybe come back to it later. Through your depression, you are learning to trust the unique essence that is you, and to do so, you get to choose the ideas and tools that are most effective for you. 

Are you looking for new ways to end depression? Even if you are angry at yourself for being human and have lost all hope, Depression Freedom http://www.annettecolby.com/depression_freedom.shtml shows the gentle steps you can take to skillfully lead yourself through depression and restore the joy of living. It is impossible to read this book without being changed by it. The inspiration within these pages will captivate you and be the inspiration you need to stop the reign of darkness and embrace a new celebration of life.

What Not to Say
If you have a friend or family member who is depressed, they are probably going through an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes they may want to be around people and sometimes they may want to be left alone. It’s difficult to know exactly what to do or say because so often there really isn’t anything “right” to do or say. In addition, because of the heaviness of their depression, and our inability to “help” them through the situation, it’s easy to get frustrated, distant, or offer unsolicited advice. Knowing what not to say can be as important as knowing what to say. Below are a few tips on what not to say.

Don’t say, “It’s time to put on a smile and put this depression behind you. It’s not that bad and you need to get over it.”  

Don’t say, “You need to take medication if you ever want to get better.” Antidepressants are one form of therapy but not the only form, and certainly not always the right choice for everyone. If your loved one doesn’t want to take antidepressants, let them know you trust in their ability to listen to their inner spirit and manage their life. Antidepressants are so widely prescribed as the principal treatment, that when a person chooses not to take them, they often feel ridiculed, unsupported, and abandoned. 

Don’t  turn your back on your depressed friend because you are uncomfortable with their depression. Be open with your feelings and let them know, “I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.” 

Show love and encouragement. If it seems appropriate hug them, hold them, touch them. Ask them what you can do to help. Offer to feed them if they are hungry, scoop their cat litter, or run the bath for them if you feel they are open to that type of support. Actions often speak louder than words. Sometimes they may accept your help and sometimes they won’t. However, isolation is a common feeling for people who are depressed, so it’s important to make an effort to reach out. 

Avoid criticizing, judging, analyzing, or offering unsolicited advice. Instead, agree with them when they cry  and say the experience isn’t fair. Let them know this may not be fair, but it is the experience they are having. Let them know that you believe in your heart that they have the ability to make it through this. 

Don’t interrupt your depressed friend when they start talking about depression. Pay attention, validate their pain and concerns, and let them know that you care about them even when they hurt. 

Many people feel awkward around someone who is deeply depressed. In an effort to not make the situation worse, they choose to say nothing at all. Say something and let your friend know that you care. Be honest and tell them you don’t know the right thing to say, but also let them know it doesn’t matter as much as being with them. 

Even if you have been depressed before, don’t say you know what they are going through. Depression is an individual experience, and it doesn’t help to make the conversation all about you. You can let them know that you’ve been in a similar situation and you’re willing to share your wisdom with them if they are ever interested. One day, when the time is right, they may take you up on your offer to share how you got through the journey. 

Don’t try to coax your friend to share their feelings with you. A depressed person sometimes just needs to be around you, without talking. Reassure them that silence together is okay with you. 

What To Say
When a friend or family member is depressed, you naturally want to help in any way you can. One of the best things you can do is respect their experience and show that you have faith in their ability to get through this difficult time. But when you don’t know what to say, it’s easy to feel paralyzed. You simply don’t know how to respond to the situation. Below are some tips that hope and help. 

Acknowledge the situation. Say, “I’m sorry that you are in pain. I care for you and I love you no matter how much you hurt.” 

Say, “I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk.” If they do start to talk, learn how to listen without interrupting or attempting to fix things. Give the person space and opportunity to unburden some of the heavy energies of depression and ventilate their feelings. You don’t need to say much and there are no magic words. Your patience and acceptance are healing. It’s okay to listen without needed to respond. One of the things that makes my friends so special is their ability to just be quiet and listen when I’m going through a tough time. The same is true with depression. Often, people just need time to be heard. 

Say, “I know this must be a very difficult time for you.” Offer hope and encouragement, but not pie-in-the-sky over the top optimism. Make sure your statements validate their sadness, fears and concerns, while at the same time letting them know they will not feel this way forever. 

Say, “You are a strong person.  I hope you know you don’t have to be strong all the time. Instead of trying to maintain a façade of okayness, it’s okay to cry or scream or let your feelings pour out when the sadness takes over.” 

Say, “It’s understandable that you would be angry and frustrated. I hear how you are feeling and it’s okay.” 

Invite your depressed friend of family to talk about his or her feelings, but don’t force it. If they do talk be an active listener. Repeating statements back lets your friend know you are listening and doing your best to understand how depression feels to them. 

A depressed person may confide with you that they hate themselves. Although you will want to refute their statement, resist. Instead, validate their experience by saying something like, “I’m hearing you say you hate yourself. Can you share more about that with me?” One of the healthiest things a depressed person can do is express the deep, dark thoughts and feelings that go in during depression. 

Offer hope. Don’t dismiss the experience that your friend is going through, but do tell them, “I know you feel that you cannot go on, but I believe in you and I believe you will get better. You are not alone, even though you feel alone. And there is a light at the end of the tunnel—it’s okay that you don’t see it yet. 

If your friend opens up and begins to cry, feel honored and let them cry. There’s nothing to fix. Give him or her some space and remain present. By offering your acceptance of their tears you let your loved one know in tangible terms that their experience is valid and that they have someone to turn to. You might be the only friend who isn’t too afraid to bear witness to the complicated and messy expression of their sadness.

If you sincerely want to help your family member or friend then just listen. There are no special words you have to come up with the make them feel better. If you are feeling tense, take a few deep breaths, and find it within yourself to relax, accept, and let them be in their experience. Often, when you are calm and allowing, the right things to say naturally flow.

Depression is a process and the more you know about that process, the more you can help yourself move through the experience. If you or someone you know is depressed, Depression Freedom is a powerful book that reveals new insights about the nature of depression… and how to move through it.  Depression Freedom is a must read for anyone who has ever been depressed, everyone who struggles with deep depression or is even now feeling like there is no way out, their friends and family members, as well as counselors and therapists seeking practical, real life healing tools and an empowering message of hope and transcendence.

What’s even worse is feeling alone in the experience. You are not alone and there are many people who understand, who have been where you are, who can reassure you that there is validity in your experience, and who can provide resources for hope and help. Below is a list of top ten questions that can help you get some answers about depression. 

Am I crazy to hurt so much?
No, you are not crazy. There are many reasons that depression hurts so much, but that doesn’t mean you are crazy. Depression hurts because the experience brings up many of our limiting and painful beliefs, assumptions, and fears about life and about ourselves. Our perceived inadequacies and self-doubt rise up to meet us. Unable to run away of push them back down, our mind goes into a type of hyper-driven state as it attempts to fix the depression. 

As the mind spins like a hamster trying unsuccessfully to end the depression, stress is generated. Stress makes a difficult situation even worse as we now believe ourselves to be in a life-threatening position. Stress releases adrenaline, tightens our grip, makes our breathing shallow, and aggravates stomach upset, insomnia, and other physical aches and pains. Unable to run or hide from depression, the stress gets us frozen right in the middle of it. 

When you’re feeling frightened, helpless, and crazy, take several long, slow, deep, conscious breaths. As you continue to breathe gently look inside to find intuitive ways to get yourself out of the panic. Some ideas include taking a walk, writing in your journal, talking to someone, going outside in nature, or taking a bath. Finding small ways to relieve your stress won’t end the depression, but it will ease the pressurized crazy feeling. 

What are the symptoms of depression?
Depressed mood for most of the day
Persistent sad or “empty” feelings
Loss of appetite or loss of weight
Eating more than usual and gaining weight
Trouble sleeping, insomnia, or oversleeping
Anxiety
Feeling tired all the time or finding everything is an effort
Not caring anymore about work, hobbies, friends, or sexual activity
Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly, or indecisiveness
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Feelings of worthlessness
Excessive or inappropriate guilt
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts 

What feelings are normal during depression?
Guilt
Worthlessness
Denial
Anger
Loneliness
Sadness
Restlessness
Helplessness
Hopelessness
Overwhelm
Nervous
Inadequate
Apathy or loss of interest
Withdrawal from friends, family, and life 

What other experiences are typical with depression?
Frequently feeling on the verge of tears
Waking up early in the morning, with difficulty returning to sleep
Feeling worse in the morning
Feeling anxious or irritable
A gloomy view of the future
Physical pain or headaches
Cravings for certain foods

What can I do about my feelings of depression?
Express yourself. A common tendency is to push down uncomfortable feelings while hoping they’ll go away on their own. However, pushing down your depression is neither healthy nor your speediest course to feeling better. What does work is giving your emotions and feelings expression. Talking honestly to someone about what you’re going through, or writing your experience in a journal frees up some of the energy of those heavy emotions and helps you get through the day. 

What can I do to take care of myself?
Sometimes, nothing really helps much, except getting through an especially difficult day. One of the best ways to “get through it” is to take radical care of yourself right now, when you need it most. If you’re having a really bad day, it may be a good idea to withdraw for a short time if you can. Take a walk in nature. Sit outside in the sunshine. Take a warm bath. If you’re at work, consider going home early or giving yourself a mental health day. Look inside yourself and engage in the actions that bring comfort. 

What can I do when I can’t sleep?
Sometimes people with depression have difficulty sleeping. There are medications that can help, but there are many other, non-medication ways to help with sleep: 

Take a long warm bath scented with lavender
Listen to relaxation CDs
Read something inspirational, healing, spiritual, or religious
Avoid caffeine
Drink a cup of relaxing herbal tea such as chamomile
Drink a glass of warm milk
Write in your journal
Lower the temperature in the room
Use soothing aromatherapy oils such as lavender, vanilla, chamomile, and jasmine
Try signing a lullaby to yourself 

What can I do when I don’t have any motivation?
Never underestimate the power of nature to heal. Getting outside in nature can have a profound effect on both your psyche and your health. You may not have motivation to get some of the big things done, but find the decision within that will get you outside. Make a decision and give yourself a little push just to get beyond the apathy and lethargy. Take yourself out in nature, alone wandering through the woods, walking through the park, sitting by a creek, or smelling the wind. Sometimes you need to feel the earth under your feet, to bury your toes in the grass, or walk in the woods and feel the sacred energy of very old large trees. Today, go outside and notice a bird, a butterfly, or the rustle of the wind through the leaves. 

I’m feeling overwhelmed with life. What should I do?
Feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated are symptoms associated with depression. If you find that you’ve let things pile up and now everything seems insurmountable, it’s time to either enlist help or break things up into smaller tasks. Instead of,  “I will clean the entire kitchen” try, “I will put the dishes into the dishwasher.” Instead of “I will organize my house” try, “I will clean my bathroom sink.” Once you’ve finished your task, take a deep conscious breath and recognize your achievement. 

What should I do when I’m thinking thoughts of suicide.
Suicidal thoughts are noisy and chaotic, and they bring an energetic sense of urgency. Giving yourself permission to express your thoughts of suicide brings that energy and urgency out into the open. Though it’s a natural tendency to hide suicidal thoughts, explore those suicidal ideas in a manner that brings them outside yourself. Talk to someone, often, about what you’re feeling and how it feels to be you right now. If you’re feeling suicidal, bring that into the conversation. Find someone who can observe and listen in a calm, nonjudgmental, and non-confrontational manner. Don’t wait until things get better—or worse. Call someone—a friend, family member, counselor, clergy, or suicide prevention hotline—that is capable of listening with supportive attention. 

Depression is a process and the more you know about that process, the more you can help yourself move through the experience. If you or someone you know is depressed, Depression Freedom is a powerful book that reveals new insights about the nature of depression… and how to move through it.  Depression Freedom is a must read for anyone who has ever been depressed, everyone who struggles with deep depression or is even now feeling like there is no way out, their friends and family members, as well as counselors and therapists seeking practical, real life healing tools and an empowering message of hope and transcendence.

I believe that family and friends seemingly abandon us during our darkest hours for many reasons. One of the reasons is that despite the extreme loneliness we feel, we are also driven by an inner spiritual desire to be alone and work through the dark moments of our depression process. We need this solitary time to find our own way, to heal in nature and to move through the process by giving creative expression to our feelings in outlets such as journal writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, crying, walking, or other forms of emotional healing. 

Despite our need for withdrawal and alone time, there are times when we absolutely need to be with family or friends who can sit with us, comfort us, and share their non-depressed energy with us. Usually we look for that type of company when we are at an especially low place in our depression. As we look for this type of compassionate support, we might notice there isn’t anyone to call on. Where have they gone? Is there anything we can do to not be so alone? 

Below is a list of possible reasons that our family and close friends are nowhere to be found when we need them most. When you can understand why they have disappeared during your darkest hours, you empower yourself to help friends, loved ones, and yourself develop a newly revised relationship with you while you are depressed. 

Not Understanding Depression and Unable to Connect
One reason people leave us alone during depression is that they don’t understand the depression process. They knew you before when you were easy going and not depressed. Now, they are unable to comprehend the changes that have occurred with you and their relationship with you. As you are in the grasp such an intense darkness, they don’t have that much in common with you—or you with them. They are not going through the same experience, and you don’t connect like you once did. When the depression doesn’t lift within a “reasonable” amount of time, they may back off feeling quite lost and rejected themselves. 

ACTION PLAN:
It’s tough to explain depression to other people, because most likely you don’t understand why you are depressed either. But it’s important to be honest with the friends and family that you trust and love. Explain to them how you are feeling and the importance of sometimes needing your distance and sometimes needing to be around them. 

Saying the Wrong Thing
The people who love you don’t want to see you hurting. In their best efforts to help you end depression they may criticize, judge, analyze, or offer unsolicited advice. None of this is actually helpful, and generally only serves to make you feel worse. It seems better to be alone than to have to deal with hurtful statements. You end up pushing people away when they offer statements that only make you feel worse. 

ACTION PLAN:
Let people know when their comments are not helpful. Although you have limited energy and initiative right now, go the extra mile and tell people what would be helpful. If you’re crying, let them know it’s okay that they don’t know what to do or say. You don’t know either. What you want is just someone who will sit with you with acceptance and presence. 

Not Knowing What to Say
When you are depressed, your loved ones naturally want to help in any way they can. But when they don’t know what to say, it’s easy for them to feel uncomfortable and even paralyzed in their inability to search for and articulate the right words. They simply don’t know how to respond to the situation. This feeling is so uncomfortable, they may withdraw completely—not because they don’t love you when you are depressed, but because they truly are at a loss of knowing what to day. 

ACTION PLAN:
Help those around you by giving them direct guidance. Let them know that when things are especially difficult, you need them to listen so that you can unburden some of the heavy energies of depression and ventilate your feelings. Tell them that although you wish they had the magic words to make this depression go away, you know there aren’t any. Let them know that what you really need is for them to sit with you, to let you cry and blubber and wail your woes. Tell them that it is okay to listen without needed to respond. Sometimes you just need to be heard, and sometimes you just need to sit with them in silence. 

Not Knowing What to Do
People, especially those who love you, really do want to help you. They make offers of support, but because of the depression you typically end up turning away those offers. After a few rejections, those you love tend to back away. Then when you need them most, they aren’t anywhere to be found. You may interpret their distance as proof that you are unacceptable to be around.

ACTION PLAN:
Let people know that sometimes you really need to be alone. Explain that the mere thought of being around anyone is more taxing than you have the energy to deal with right now. However, it is also your responsibility to yourself to move beyond your inclination to do it all by yourself. Give your loved ones some chores to do. Let them wash your sheets while you just sit there on the couch. Let them change the litter in your cat’s litter box while you don’t lift a finger to help. Allow them to wash out your bath tub and fill it with warm steamy water. Allowing in the support of others—in ways that feel right and helpful to you—is healing. In addition, telling your loved ones exactly how they can help will ease your burden while at the same time allowing them an opportunity to be more compassionate towards your depression. When they are not always being pushed away, your loved ones will be much more likely to be there when you need them the most. 

Feeling Useless
There’s a commercial that states, “Who does your depression hurt?” And in truth, your depression does hurt the people around you. Nothing makes a person feel more helpless than watching someone they love suffering. Your family and friends often feel lost and useless knowing you are in such pain. They may feel guilty not knowing what to do or how to help relieve your suffering. In addition, your dark mood may trigger their inner fears, doubts, and anxieties. As you face your own depression, notice your desire to escape your uncomfortable emotions. The same may be true for your friends and loved ones: not knowing how to cope, they may retreat in an effort to avoid feeling their own uncomfortable emotions. 

 ACTION PLAN:
Don’t let the commercial make you feel guilty about being depressed. You are depressed and all life experiences—including this one—has merit and importance. You probably won’t understand the importance of depression until long after it has lifted, but it is a meaningful life experience nonetheless. More importantly, you are meaningful and valuable even while you are experiencing depression. Take a few deep breaths and understand that naturally your depression affects the people around you. Then take responsibility by letting your friends and loved ones know that you realize they may be uncomfortable with your depression and / or their own emotions. If the shoes were reversed, you might not know what to do or say either. Then thank them for doing their best to help you through this journey. 

Depression is a lonely experience. However, by taking action on the tips above, you can give yourself the space you need when you need it and the comfort from others when you need it.

If you or someone you know is depressed, Depression Freedom is a powerful book that reveals new insights about the nature of depression… and how to move through it.  Depression Freedom is a must read for anyone who has ever been depressed, everyone who struggles with deep depression or is even now feeling like there is no way out, their friends and family members, as well as counselors and therapists seeking practical, real life healing tools and an empowering message of hope and transcendence.

My amazingly talanted graphic designer Ted Ruybal is currently working on creating the cover for my upcoming book Depression Freedom: Ending the Reign of Darkness. This is a very exciting time and I’d love to share the fun!

To view the  images of the book cover click on the link below:

Cover Samples for Depression Freedom

A PDF file will open which contains four separate cover possibilities. If you can’t read PDF files, you’ll first need to download the free Adobe PDF reader available at http://get.adobe.com/reader/

Now that you’ve opened the files, which design do you like best? Which features are most striking? What don’t you like? What would you change? At this stage of the design process, we have the flexibility to make the changes we want. 

I’m so excited to share these beautiful covers, and I can’t wait to hear your feedback. Leave your comments below or send me an email at Annette@AnnetteColby.com. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say!

With love,
Annette

A Guide to Healing the Human Spirit 

Do you wonder why it is so hard to get better? Do you long to fill the loneliness within you? Would you like to experience true freedom of the soul? 

DEPRESSION is one of the major issues every awakening human encounters in their spiritual journey. This powerful book reveals new insights about the nature of spiritual depression … and how to move through it. 

Do you ever say:

• I have so much to be grateful for, why am I so depressed? Find out why. 
• If God loves me, why can’t I get over this? The answer may surprise you. 

Do you ever want:

• To release deep, age-old wounds and begin enjoying life in a completely new way? Learn how “fighting” depression keeps you in its grip.
• A fast and easy way to unfreeze stuck depression? It really is easy, and it doesn’t involve struggle.  

Have you ever considered:

• That suicidal thoughts are part of your journey? Surprising revelations about healing suicidal thoughts and making new, conscious choices. 

Depression Freedom: Ending the Reign of Darkness shows the steps you can take to lead yourself through depression to find the loving spirit that lies within. By using the insights and powerful healing tools offered in this book, you will discover how to stop the reign of darkness and embrace a new celebration of life.