Anxiety is not dangerous – it’s just uncomfortable. Venture into your own heart and you will find the love and calm you seek. Practice breathing, and deciding to relax and calm down. Right now you have feelings and thoughts you don’t like, and that’s okay. You don’t have to fight these feelings. Open your heart and accept the fact that some aspects of who you are feel scared and uncertain. Offer yourself some much needed reassurance of the overall positive expectation of life.

We’re all familiar with fear in one form or another.

Fear eats away at our clarity and vitality. It keeps us from experiencing who we truly are. It keeps us from expressing our truth. It keeps us hidden away not only from ourselves, but others as well.  

When it comes to fear, we all have our own special brand of something we’re afraid of. As for me, I’m no different. Currently, my biggest fear is stage fright. My heart clenches, my breathing shallows. But the worst thing is the worry and stress before an event. The heavy anticipation feelings are so painful that I often play ostrich and hide my head in the sand when offered public speaking opportunities.

I usually keep my fear a secret and do my best to find ways around it. The downside is that I never really feel secure and often end up turning down interviews, radio broadcast shows, and other opportunities to share my message. More often than not, my fearful emotions dictate my life choices when it comes to speaking before groups.

In anticipation of accepting an invitation to be interviewed on a web radio broadcast show, I posted a question to my friends and followers on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/annette.colby and Twitter http://www.Twitter.com/AnnetteColby asking, “What is the best way to overcome stage fright?”

Inspiration From Legendary Superstar Cher

Not too long ago I happened to tune into a television interview with Cher which was conducted immediately after one of her concerts. Cher was typical Cher… beautiful, confident, and shining with exuberance. The interview was mostly standard fluff until the end when the interviewer asked Cher if there was anything in her life that she regretted or would change. The answer was a solid genuine “no”

With one exception . . .

Cher expressed that her lifelong painful ordeal with stage fright was the one thing she truly wished she could change about herself.

Hearing her answer, my world stood still. I have always had stage fright and assumed that with enough age and wisdom that one day it would somehow just disappear. Now I was hearing Cher tells us of her struggles with stage fright throughout her entire career. Can you imagine? Creative, passionate, successful, beloved Cher was not immune to stage fright.

I immediately felt dual and contrasting emotions. First, I felt deflated. With all of Cher’s resources, connections, and wealth, she hadn’t found the miracle answer to wiping stage fright fear from her life. My mind chastised me saying that if Cher hadn’t found a way to overcome her stage fright fear, then what chance did I have of doing so?

But I also felt hopeful knowing that fear doesn’t have to dictate our life choices. We can still be authentic and follow our spirit even when fear does its best to keep us small and quiet. Cher was a living, breathing example of someone who truly did not let her fear stop her from creative expression.

Gathering some courage from Cher’s interview, I vowed to once again face my own stage fright. In anticipation of accepting an invitation to be interviewed on a web radio broadcast show, I posted a question to my friends and followers on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/annette.colby and Twitter http://www.Twitter.com/AnnetteColby asking, “What is the best way to overcome stage fright?”

All agree that while we would wish for a miracle cure to move us past what scares us, the best course of action is showing up.

Below are the responses from both Twitter and Facebook friends. While you may not have stage fright, the information shared proves valuable for most types of fear. 

Take a deep breath, enjoy the suggestions, and may you find the courage to overcome your fears.

Twitter Responses to the question, “What is the best way to fight fear?”

@carbru How about deep breathing and well-oxygenated lungs – always helps. Also try rescue remedy.

@MentalHygienx I don’t think an expert exists in that But the best thing you can do to fight fear is force relaxing and slow, deep breaths

@journeycoach I hear EFT can help. Haven’t used it for that purpose yet.

@JulieMcKown Not an expert, but I’ve done it – by letting go of the outcome. I only get stage fright if I think the performance IS me.

@JulieMcKown If I can accept that the outcome will be perfect no matter what & I don’t care about criticism or praise, I can just have fun.

@txmeep I guess picturing everyone naked isn’t an option! I know what works for me when I sing/speak, but I know you’ll find your way!

                      Facebook Responses to the question, “What is the best way to fight fear?”

Fern I second the EFT idea. I can’t always get it to work for me, but when it does, the results are unbeatable. EFT has changed my life. Also, lowering my expectations for the outcome relieves a lot of pressure!

Linda W. I used to be terrified to speak in front of people. One thing that helped me tremendously was Toastmasters, the other was “just doing it.”

M.P. Years ago when I began singing in public (church), I was obviously very nervous. Beginning with the very first time I sang a duet with a friend, I prayed that my voice would not be what was heard. I didn’t want it to have anything to do with me because I couldn’t sing. I prayed that only God’s voice and message would be heard. I completely disconnected myself from the outcome. For all the years I sang, I prayed that same prayer every single time…that MY voice and message would not be the one heard, only GOD’S voice and message.
 
For the longest time (about 12 years) I never knew if it really was happening that way even though I felt as if it was. Then one day, a man came up to me in church and said that he loved it when I sang. He said, “You can tell in the first couple of notes that you’re a bit nervous, but then it’s like someone else takes over and it’s not you singing anymore.” Right then and there, I knew that my prayers were answered and it was coming across the way I wanted it to when I sang.

Meg S. I used to give a lot of presentations to big groups, and thought I’d share my 2 cents in case it could help at all. 

One thing that really helps me is to have the first couple of thoughts and the closing thoughts totally down cold, word for word what I will say. Generally I don’t like to speak that way and prefer to be more ‘off the cuff’ or from the heart, but it helps to get me over those first minutes of fright so I can focus on slowing down, staying calm, breathing while I’m talking, etc. and don’t have to even think about the words I’ll be using. And then the ending is good to have nailed so any point when I feel too stressed to continue I can launch right into that.  I also make notes in big bullet format so they are easy to spot quickly as I’m talking and can glance down.

I try to remember that my listeners are human and many of them share a fear of speaking in front of groups so they will likely be very compassionate and forgiving if I do stumble at all. That also helps me laugh at myself and acknowledge to the group any issues and they will generally laugh along with me and then that helps release any tension. And also, I try to remember that the listeners are more interested in the information I’m trying to share than they are in me so I don’t need to be so personally invested in the process, I’m just the vehicle.

One other thought…come from a place of love. Meaning, instead of focusing on the fear focus on delivering love to the audience.

And, like that famous book, feel the fear and do it anyway!

Mackie Schaars and the Paper Street Band http://www.facebook.com/l/;www.myspace.com/mackieandpaperstreet 

Just got your question about stage fright. Expert in it!! I’ll just pass on some things that work for me. Even though I’m singing a LOT these days, I get stage fright before I’m actually up and going.

1. Go through all the scenarios in your mind before you get on stage…both of failure and success.  If you picture yourself blanking out on lyrics or a speech…and then recovering and how you would do it..it’s easier!  You see yourself as rising above whatever could go wrong.  (And I guarantee—having been a public speaker and a singer—99% of the time you are the only one who knows there was a mistake.)

2. Either stay really really busy or take the day off and chill…whichever way works better for you.  You just have to test it out. I spend the day working on my music before a gig. Some people don’t think about it until it’s show time!

3. Pick a time to STOP having nerves and anxiety.  Allow yourself to be nervous up until a certain time before the performance….after that, time to move on!

 4. Practice! Practice your speech, your song, whatever in front of the mirror….out loud.  Know how you look and sound.  Feel it!  You will be more comfortable in your body when you are on stage.

5. If possible, tape yourself during an actual speech/performance.  I learned that one of the ways I moved my arms during a song made it look as though I was about to take off in flight! Haha 

6. On the other hand….DON’T watch/listen to yourself TOO much.  Enough to see what you can improve…enough to pat yourself on the back for what you do well.  But not enough to where you hear/see every single thing under a microscope. No one else is looking at you like that and neither should you.

 7. I heard this somewhere and loved it…(related to singing)  “It’s only music. Nobody died!”  Great to remember. 

Go out there and enjoy being in the spotlight, being the show, being the expert, being the best at what you do!

If you have any true stories or advice you would like to share, please leave your comments below!

“The way to develop confidence is to do the thing you fear.” ~William Jennings Bryan

I understand how easy it can be to get frustrated when we move forward on our dreams and goals. Because no matter how exciting everything seems at the beginning of new adventure… things take as long as they take, exacerbating obstacles arise, and aggravating challenges happen. Sometimes it seems as if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.

With all this going on, it’s not uncommon to become impatient before achieving success, and wanting to give up just a moment too soon. Who hasn’t felt self-doubt and stress when things just don’t seem to be coming together?

Self-confidence can often be at a low-low place when we are in the midst of making important changes. The question becomes how you learn to trust yourself to continue moving forward even when things aren’t going as effortlessly as anticipated? Below are four powerful ways to regain confidence when it looks like you’ve almost lost it altogether.

Breathe and Release Stress Levels
Stress = self-doubt. It’s a myth that stress or worry is the best way to move through difficult situations. Stress happens when we believe that we do not have the time, experiences, or resources to deal with a challenge or situation. Feeling pressured and anxious about a perceived unsolvable or impossible situation, our bodies release adrenaline and gear up for a fight or flight response to handle the immediate danger. Stress equal self-doubt because it takes you into an internal perception that your only two alternatives are to fight the problem or run away from it.

Taking a few minutes of alone time to breathe and calm down helps bring new perspective that while the situation at hand may be undesirable, it is not a life or death situation. With relaxation comes a new ability to be at ease with yourself. And with ease comes the ability to tap into inner resources, grasp valuable insights, and find new innovative, creative solutions.

Be With Your Own Feelings
Taking time alone creates space to relax, clear out the world, and be with no one else’s feelings but your own. By stepping away from all the outside noise and busyness, you allow new opportunity to clear confusion and sort out your emotions and feelings. Once your head is clear, you can simply take a deep breath, and ask, “What is it I need to know about this situation?” or, “What will move me one step closer to what I most want?” Then be willing to trust that yourself and open to receiving the quiet guidance of your own creative spirit.

Open to New Possibilities
Your goal or pursuit may currently be wildly frustrating, but remember that your dream is important. Just because you’ve hit a few snags doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel. To bring back your enthusiasm and confidence, try this experiment. When something is troubling you, just sit with it. Don’t do anything to logically fix or solve the problem. Instead, just sit, place your intention on allowing the best possible outcome, and breathe. Momentarily step away from the negative thoughts circling with frenzy within your head. Welcome your creative self to offer new insights and potential solutions to your situation. Your job is to stop fretting and stressing with the problem, and instead place your focus on being open to amazing new possibilities. Insights and creative solutions may not be apparent in the exact moment. Instead, be receptive and open for creativity to show itself however it wants and whenever it’s ready.

Slow Down and Soften Up
Confidence increases as we realize our ability to be inventive and full of resourcefulness. By tapping into our inner creativity, we can become aware of solutions we hadn’t considered before. When you have a challenge or an issue you want resolved, learn to slow down and let down your defenses. Relax, let go of your stress, and breathe. Slowing down and softening your body allows your creative insight to make new connections, see things from a new perspective, and notice things you hadn’t noticed before.

Of course, we all want to know the exact route to reach our destination, and plan things perfectly so we move forward with no unexpected surprises. But odds are that every worthwhile journey leads down some major unexpected side roads. We may even get lost along the way.

Confidence is not about leaving point A and arriving at point Z in perfect, non-eventful fashion. Instead, confidence is discovering that you can trust yourself. You do know the general direction you are heading toward. You do when you are off course. And you can trust yourself to allow your imagination and positive actions to point yourself back in the right direction. Follow the four steps above and watch your confidence grow as you regain trust in your own ability to step forward – one step at a time – into your dream.

Want to awaken new self-confidence and gain more self-trust? Check out the NEW Audio CD Confidence To Love Your Life by Dr. Annette Colby to learn how to be more confident and start living the dream life you’ve always wanted. www.AnnetteColby.com

Many people would love to have a body that is thinner or curvier. And while we can sometimes change some of the physical attributes of our body through diet and exercise, self-image is much more than just attaining a perfect body shape.

Self-image is your subjective perception and attitude about your body. It is how you see yourself, how you feel others see you, and how you feel in your body. Self-image is not based of fact, but on experiences, emotions, moods, and feelings.  

Developing a high self-image is important because how you feel about your body or how you feel in your body can affect how you act. The level of your self-image affects how much confidence you have, how you carry yourself, and how you express yourself in the world.

Learning to develop a new balanced relationship between self and body can be a tough concept to grasp and even tougher to incorporate. The degree of difficulty doesn’t seem to matter if you’re thin or very large or even somewhere in-between. It takes time and persistence to create a love of being human.

The good news is that your self-image was created by you, so you can change it to anything you want it to be. Building up self-image is not about attaining a perfect body shape, but about learning to love living in the body that is yours. Practice these powerful strategies below and you can do a lot to improve the quality of your life by learning to love yourself just the way you are right now.

 1. Look into Your Heart and Soul

You may not like everything about your body, but make time often to go beyond the self-criticism and negative inner talk. Go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Go beyond judging and disapproval. Look deeply into your eyes, and set the intent of having a special connection with who you really are. Honor yourself, look deeply into your eyes, and delve into your heart and soul. Enjoy looking at the fantastic person that you are.

2. Live In The Now
When you are waiting for something to occur, such as weight loss, you are not focused on what is occurring now. Yes, it is wonderful to be excited by the expectancy of achieving your goals. However, it also necessary to bring your joy into this now moment of your present life. Instead of postponing your joy or pleasure, ask yourself how you can bring more meaning or fullness into your life today. What practical actions could you take that would make today better? When you feel better about yourself right now it also means your self-image amplifies.

3. Listen to Your Body

All those emotions, aches, pains, tensions, and heaviness… they are all forms of communication from you to you. Without trying to get rid of your physical forms of communication, say hello. Bring a sense of interest and curiosity. Consider assuming the perspective that your body is a reflection of your beliefs and thoughts; therefore, what are you saying to yourself when you feel tightness in your neck and jaw? What are you saying to yourself when your knees constantly ache, or your stomach is always in a knot? What are you saying to yourself if your shoulders are slumped? The key to listening is to allow your tension, tightness, pain, or emotion to do the speaking. Don’t go above the feeling and analyze your situation from your head, but allow your feelings to speak directly to you.

4. Enjoyable Movement

Get some physical activity not because you have to, not to burn calories, but because it feels good to move your body parts. Participating in physical activity gives you the chance to breathe more deeply; it increases your energy level, and boosts your sense of well-being.

5. Walk Tall

One of the easiest ways to feel better in your body is to stand tall, breathe deeply, and walk with purpose. Lift up those slumped shoulders and you will make a positive impression on others while instantly feeling more alert and empowered.

6. Dress for Confidence

There are some things about your body that you just can’t change, such as the size of your hips, your height, and your shoe size. But trying to hide your body with sloppy, baggy, and dull clothing only makes things worse. Instead, experiment with new styles of clothing that will express confidence, creativity, and positivity. There are beautiful, comfortable clothes to fit all body shapes and sizes. When you wear flattering clothes, you feel good about who you are right now.

7. Build an Elevator Speech

Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and positive attributes. Then recite it in front of the mirror whenever you need a self-image boost.

8. Cutting Edge

If you’re having trouble with a negative self-image, make a little hairstyle change. A great haircut can bring your self-image to the top of the world. When your hair feels good, you feel invincible. Going to a hairstylist for a new look, for something a little different can make you feel better about yourself, happier, and project a positive self-image.

9. Accept Compliments

It is true that you do not require the approval of others to be happy and peaceful. Compliments are a “nice to have” rather than a necessity. In fact seeking the approval of others is generally a diversion for refusing to give yourself the peace and happiness you seek. However, people who can’t accept compliments tend to be more down on themselves and less positive about their abilities and attainments. Accepting compliments is a step, a model to learn from, of how to give yourself praise and approval. By opening to accept compliments, you can begin to see yourself through another person’s perception. You can notice yourself in a new light, and become aware of what is right about you. You can acknowledge that you are good and worthy, loveable and likeable this very moment.

10. Breathe
When you breathe consciously and deeply you are saying yes to life, yes to your own physical experience. Breathing settles the body by reducing anger, anxiety, fatigue, irritability, muscular tension, and stress. It can also help quiet the chaos of your mind. When you feel more relaxed in your body, you naturally have a higher self-image.

Improving your self-image, like improving any skill, takes time and practice. In a way, building self-image is a little like creating a homemade tapered candle. You dip the wick into a vat of wax, pull it out, and wait for it to dry, and continue the process repeatedly until the candle is perfectly formed. Like the gradual layering of the wax upon the wick, you can create a positive, life-affirming relationship with the body you live in. Practice the tips above and learn to love your body and love living in your body!

Want to awaken new self-confidence and gain more self-trust? Check out the NEW Audio CD Confidence To Love Your Life by Dr. Annette Colby to learn how to be more confident and start living the dream life you’ve always wanted. www.AnnetteColby.com